Living ...

Yep, I did it again. I changed my design. I needed to brighten things up a bit and get in a "Spring" mood. I haven't been blogging lately, but I have been here in spirit. It almost seems like I have been sharing my thoughts, until I sneak a peak at my journal and realize that the conversation was just in my head. Simply put, knitting has taken a backseat to everyday life.

For the most part, we have been dealing with the prepubescent angst of our son. He is a generally a good kid with a great sense of humor (he used to sneak and watch Seinfeld reruns after he thought everyone was asleep). However, lately he has just been feeling his oats. You see, although Mali is a great kid, and does very well in school, he feels that in order to "fit in", he needs to act out like some of his friends. It all started when he was chosen to join the National Junior Honor Society. He was one of three kids chosen out of his sixth grade class. He was so excited about this accomplishment, we could not get him to go to bed. He was nervous about the induction ceremony, his speech and what community service he would have to perform. When we dropped him off to school the next day, we promised to fine tune his speech when he came home. Two hours later, the phone calls started. First it was his Social Studies teacher. Apparently, Mali was acting out with his friends and received detention for his antics. Next the principal called and exclaimed that although Mali is a great kid and a "wonderful" asset to the NJHS, he could not condone his behavior ( it wasn't the first time either) and therefore had to recall his acceptance. After that, I went numb.
Later on that day Mali called me from school, crying. He had just finished speaking with the principal. He couldn't even get on the bus to come home because he was too ashamed. He pleaded for me to come pick him up , so I did.
The ride home was hard. I wanted to knock his behind into next week but he looked like he was doing a good job of beating his own self up for letting himself down. After one of many tearful episodes in the car, I asked him why. What he said nearly broke my heart. He said that he wanted to show his "friends" that he was still "down". Apparently one of his friends started calling him a nerd and telling him he thought he was better than everyone because he was "smart". I tried my best to explain to him that he should not have to make an excuse for him liking math, science and art. If his friends were really his friends, they would accept him as he is. Somehow though, I felt my point was lost upon him. I needed some clarity because I felt like I wasn't "getting it". The following day, my husband and I struck up a conversation with our neighbor. His children attend an Afrocentric school (Ausar Auset) and my husband was (is) toying with the idea of switching schools for Mali. He really broke it down for us and I will try to explain. Basically, Mali is in survival mode. We live in a society where being smart is looked down upon for black boys and being a rapper, basketball player or pimp are the icons for success. Now as warped as it may sound, all you have to do is turn on the television. Almost every music video shown on BET has a rapper donnin' the latest gear and blingin' his grill while half naked girls gyrate in the background. How many NBA players are drafted right out of high school with million dollar contracts? Why are the Vibe awards amongst one of the must see award shows of the season but very few have heard of the Trumpet awards? ... and don't get me started about the Oscars. I began to understand why my boy is in survival mode. Although I can control what he sees and influences him, I can't account for other people's children. So, I had to switch gears. Usually in the summer, I homeschool Mali. I try to teach him what he is not being taught in school, about OUR history and OUR accomplishments. I needed to go back and show him the positive images and reinforce that his mind is his greatest asset and that he could lead by example. So for now, he is reading The Pact. It is the story of three teenage boys from the streets of Newark, New Jersey who made a pact: They would stick together, go to college, and become doctors. I also have him doing research on he Great Kings and Queens of Africa. As for my husband and I, we are reading The Warrior Method ... again. Falling through the cracks is not an option. However, I am going to need a whole lot of patience and prayer ... with a little knitting therapy thrown in on the side.